


Toaster

by AJ_Lenoire



Series: Avengers Fan Fiction Collection [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Squee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_Lenoire/pseuds/AJ_Lenoire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fight with HEMEP (Helpful Early Morning Edibles Provider) leads Tony to discover something about his star-spangled boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toaster

“You wanna piece of me, punk?!”

“ **NO!** I want my goddamn breakfast!”

“Well you ain’t gonna get it without a fight, asshole!”

Tony, surprised and amused, stuck his head around the corner to see Steve in the kitchen. Alone. He seemed to be arguing with himself.

“Come at me! See what happens!” he roared, but there was no one there besides Tony, and he hadn’t noticed Tony yet.

“I’m ready when you are, old man!” Came a disembodied answer, and Tony was confused until he recognised the voice and realised that it had come from HEMEP. The latest addition to Tony's apartment; the Helpful Early Morning Edibles Provider.

Also known as the toaster.

Something must have gone wrong in HEMEP’s programming because he was being very rude to Steve (who was actually pretty difficult to agitate), and refusing to cough up the toast, which was clearly burned to a crisp, judging by the smell. Steve had his fists by his side, and was red-faced as though he might explode.

“JARVIS.” Tony said, finally getting involved, “Disconnect HEMEP from the Tower grid and shut down his AI.”

“As you wish, sir.” Came the calm, British reply, “And may I suggest you keep the AI off permanently? I was unaware I could take offence until you turned HEMEP’s on.” The slightly electronic voice sounded distinctly ruffled.

“Not now, JARVIS.” Tony replied, seeing Steve was now looking very distraught as opposed to angry. Tony retrieved a pair of kitchen tongs from the drawer and teased out the charred toast. He examined it and looked at Steve, who had yet to meet his eye.

“A little well done, if you ask me.” He joked feebly, but the grin died on his lips when Steve just sat down at the table. “Yeah that was a bad one.” He muttered, and threw the toast in the bin. He put in another two slices to be toasted – _lightly_ – then sat down next to Steve.

“You okay?” he asked, and Steve shrugged,

“I’m fine.” he replied, “Just a little tired. Shouting matches with kitchen appliances aren’t really part of my morning routine.”

“You know that’s not what I mean, Steve.” Tony pressed, “You’ve been moody and quiet for days. What’s wrong?”

The super-soldier sighed, never having been very good at keeping secrets. “Well...” he murmured, “I can’t use technology.”

Tony wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly, “You what?” he asked blankly,

“I can’t use technology.” Steve repeated, louder this time. “You’re the most technologically advanced man on the planet, you’ve invented stuff no one else even _dreamed_ off.” His blue eyes darted to the glowing blue light on Tony’s chest, only slightly dimmed by the black t-shirt he was wearing. “And me? I’m from the forties. I couldn’t use a cell phone if my life depended on it, I’m _constantly_ asking Natasha for help. It’s just a matter of time before someone else more competent comes along, I mean I can’t even use a _toaster_ for god sakes–” Tony cut him off swiftly and effectively with a small kiss. Steve clapped his mouth shut and turned to him, confused.

“You talk too much, Rogers.” Tony smirked, “And, news flash, I don’t _care_ if you can’t use technology.” Steve blinked at him. “I don’t care if you can’t use a smartphone, or even a toaster – a toaster that is, incidentally, a dick.” He put his arm around Steve’s shoulders and smiled.

“Yeah, you say that,” Steve murmured, still not convinced, “But it’s only gonna be endearing for so long–” Another kiss, this time on the lips and... _considerably_ more enjoyable, cut him off again. Tony, liking the feel of Steve’s mouth against his, almost didn’t want to pull away, just let him continue. But he had to make his point.

“I’m not sleeping with you because of your technology habits,” he said bluntly, “Everyone in the _world_ is an idiot to me when it comes to technology. I’m sleeping with you because I like spending time with you. You’re funny, you’re sweet – and you have a _really_ great ass.” Steve jumped violently in his chair, surprised by the pinch. But he grinned at the compliment nonetheless.

“Okay,” he said, “I see your point, I’m sorry.”

Tony smiled in a self-satisfied way; the only way he really knew _how_ to smile. _Smug little git_. Steve thought, but he thought it with a grin.

“So...” Tony continued, “What’s this about you going to Romanov for tech help? Don’t you trust _my_ expertise?”

Steve laughed at that. “No, no, I do.” he grinned, “But Natasha speaks English. Plus...” he paused, then continued in a slightly embarrassed mumble, “I wanted to impress you.”

At that, Tony grinned even wider and laughed even harder. “You’re insane.” He chuckled, “And adorable. But seriously, you have tech problems, you come to me. Okay?”

“Okay.” Steve conceded, feigning moodiness but smiling and effectively ruining the façade.

“Now, c’mon. You got out of bed so early you didn’t give me a chance for morning sex.” Steve blushed, as though someone else was there, but there wasn’t. That said, even if there had been, it probably wouldn’t have changed anything about the scenario or Tony’s words. He might have donned something besides a shirt and boxers, but since Steve was wearing just a shirt and boxers too, he was in no place to complain.

Not that he was complaining, Tony had a pretty nice ass, too.

“I was trying to make you breakfast in bed.” He told the philanthropist as he was dragged off back into their bedroom, the toast utterly forgotten, even when it popped.

“How about I make _you_ breakfast in bed?” Tony grinned mischievously, and Steve both facepalmed and laughed, knowing _exactly_ what Tony meant, and that it had nothing to do with toast.


End file.
